Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
