is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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