Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
