Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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