Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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