worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
