i just had sex bonerless
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
be right there i have to get my cape
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
