who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
