i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
