i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
