FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
