WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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