I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
