Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
