I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
