You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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