i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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