thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
