I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
