That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
