so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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