I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
