Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
