I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
