I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
