That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
