My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
