It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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