DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
