i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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