What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
May the power of my ass compel you!!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
