i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
