I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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