Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
