I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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