Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
