I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
