I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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