Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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