yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
