All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
