do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
