Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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