its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
