she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm so fucking centered right now
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
