there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
