In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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