Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
