note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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