Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
