His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
