This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
