i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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