I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
