I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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