My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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