Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Alive.
So much puke
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i think my cat just said my name.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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