Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.