Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"