last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity