Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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