We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating