well I can't set my house on fire every night
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day