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• (917): View more from New York City

  Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.

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  You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (530): View more from California

  The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.

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  27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day

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