Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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