just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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