He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
