I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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