so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
