if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!