neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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