Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
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My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?