i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.