Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him